I haven't done Shit Today

thesituation:

ur local applebees waitress who takes smoke breaks every 45 minutes and has a bf who looks like jesse pinkman and has a knockoff coach purse that she has nips in and is abrasive to new employees but after you’ve been there a month she tells you out back that if a guy twice your age ever hits on you to go get her and she’ll rip his dick off. she’s a better person than every single online idiot who says small talk is ableist

(via athetos)

knottedsnowflakes:

colleendoran:

reallyndacarter:

tattooedzombigirl:

theman:

beardedmrbean:

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

I would enjoy some good luck from the potato.

I need some luck right now, so all hail the Lucky Potato. Do your magic, Potato. I respect you so much I am capitalizing the “P” in Potato.

Let’s do this. I can use some luck.

(via naenaetoday)

micro-usb-deactivated20230625:

(via jellyfishtree)

wizardfan:

f3mboyfucker:

reslake:

a car goes full speed off a cliff and explodes at the bottom and when the smoke clears it’s actually just perfectly parallel parked

a second car somewhere in the world perfectly parallel parks and when you think the car is finally aligned it spontaneously combusts and explodes

the law of equivalent exchange

(via motherhenna)

rthko:

genghisyajj:

rthko:

rthko:

I love making gaybestfriends who I can have sex with

@shetheyslay Think again, bestie 😌

thank you tumblr user and famous abstract expressionist artist mark rothko

(via unclefather)

(via feraljazzpunk)